June 9th at 7:24pm I pulled my boat up the muddy shore of the Mississippi river for the last time on my 5 week adventure. I had been in the rain for about 3 straight hours, had a cell phone with 3% battery, was in a bad mood knowing I was making a decision to end my trip differently than I hoped when the water was clear and fresh weeks ago.  I put my boat on the dolly quickly attempting to limit the mosquito attacks as a lovely parting gift from the mighty river and walked to the Bally’s casino on the water that I had placed on my GPS 5 weeks earlier as a place to stay for the night, eat like a king at the buffet and get on the water to finish the last leg to New Orleans.  That was the original plan….

Plans frequently change!

I quickly discovered The casino doesn’t have a hotel, the Bally’s casino with the hotel is a 2 mile walk south down the sidewalk. The sun was setting fast but knowing I would have a bed and a shower definitely made it worth the final portage of the trip.  The nice part of the walk was it was on the sidewalk, 2 mile straight line, very little traffic and the rain had stopped and the streets had already dried up. Time to move!

Spending 5 weeks away from the real world has changed my life in so many ways…. what I eat, what feels important, what matters daily, what is real in life and what is just noise that we let creep in for no reason only to create stress in life.  There are some sounds in life that are triggering, that are distinct, that instantly change everything, that pump adrenalin and set off your subconscious reactions. It may be a plate dropping, a car crash, a door slamming, the smell of smoke? I’m sure it is different for everyone. One of my trigger sounds is the sound of a skateboard being ridden on a sidewalk. It instantly turns my head to look for possible adventure and excitement.  1 mile into the walk, I heard that sound, the click click click click of the wheels hitting the cracks in the concrete faster and faster.  I picked up my pace and walked up to 2 skaters, one with a cell phone and one trying to find the courage to slide down a handrail. 3rd,4th,5th attempt with no success, not believing in himself….. I suggested taking a break, introduced myself and explained why I was dragging a 18′ yellow kayak down the sidewalk and how I realized the only hard part of this trip was taking the first step.  Do I skate down handrails? No, I’m in my 50’s and don’t want to die. Do I know how to eat an elephant???? 1 bite at a time!  I suggested breaking down the handrail into 3 steps, (1) approach the rail, (2) get on the rail, (3) get off the rail.  Do each individually and you will succeed.  1 minute later, what was only a dream in his mind was complete, he landed the trick and we celebrated!  He was on cloud 9, it was 3 guys screaming in the streets, total strangers all understanding the accomplishment physically and mentally he completed. In retrospect, was it us celebrating him, or them celebrating my accomplishment as well?  Maybe it was both.

Ballys casino & hotel was under construction when I approached.  Virtually no parking, people in fancy clothes and fancy cars all waiting to get in.  Then we have me… the dirty guy who smells like river water, a worn out boat that needs a bath and valet porters looking at me like I was a space alien.  Sometimes in life you ask a question with the tone of giving instructions.  “I am a hotel guest. Can you park my boat in the valet next to one of the expensive cars while I check in?” then simply walk inside not letting them ponder the answer NO.

The hotel staff was amazing, loved hearing my stories, and got me checked in quickly. I showered and closed my eyes…. exhausted.

I received the call just after I got coffee early the next morning. Dad is on his way to ICU, you need to get on a plane now.  I knew the true meaning of the call based on the inflection I have rarely heard from Christy, my wife.  This sent me instantly into GO MODE.  Call Sam, The king of logistics. “Sam I need to get home now”, no other details needed or asked for.  I walked into the lobby, explained the circumstances to the manager “Go, we will adjust your reservations, your boat will be safe and we will have an Uber for you to the airport in 15 minutes”.  Not a question of company procedures, checking manuals, just YES.  Amazing!

As I stood waiting for the Uber on the corner, in the only pair of shorts not smelling like a river, in the only shirt not smelling like a river I owned I suddenly realized I now had a severe case of claustrophobia, panic and  terror all hitting me for the first time in my life.  I have discovered I hate large crowds, traffic, congestion and the pace of regular life.  All this in 5 weeks??  really??

In less than 2 hours from receiving the call I was on a plane to San Antonio reflecting on the fact that if I would have gotten up and back on the river like usual to paddle “cancer alley” I would have had no cell service, no way to get off the river and the situation would have been much more difficult. Could the river Gods have known more than me when they woke me up with the feeling of not paddling cancer alley for a bigger purpose?

When I got to San Antonio, I went directly to the hospital to see my father connected to enough machines to land the lunar rover connected to his 100lb body with a smile on his face knowing I was home safe.

Dad has been battling lung failure for some time, doing his best to enjoy life, making sure the people he loved knew he loved them.  I had no doubt I would be home to see him, He had no doubt he would be there when I came home.  We had that silent agreement!  We would honor that. Dad had a hard and firm rule about the end of his life. He didn’t want to pass in a hospital, he wanted to pass at home in comfort.  His body had finally decided he was ready for his next adventure…

With the help of my Uncle Darren, Dads wife Michelle, my mom Michele and Christy we got the house outfitted and dad transported so we as a blended family could surround him with love and attention for his remaining days. Dad was stable and comfortable. He was in and out of long periods of sleep only to wake, tell a joke, demand coffee or snacks and then dose off again. We had a great time together, knowing the moments mattered. Not knowing how long we had.

I had called Ballys a couple times to update them, extending my valet boat parking which they welcomed, but I also knew I needed to make the trip out of courtesy and respect to retrieve my gear. I woke up at 3am…. Dad is stable, I need to go!  As I clicked off the miles in my truck headed back to Louisiana to retrieve my kayak and gear I wanted to go solo. I wanted the moment to unpack my emotions and prepare myself for my fathers passing.  I was able to reflect on so many things, so many trips with my father, so many times when he said “Just GO, do it” and supported me along the way. The road noise, the rhythm of the miles clipping past was soothing, the cabin of my truck compressed my life back into a small place again almost like being in my boat. It was the thing I needed to mentally unpack the last few days.

The Ballys Hotel was busy when I arrived.  The same Valet did not recognize me in normal clothes and a pickup truck until I parked next to the big yellow kayak.  He walked over, welcomed me back and offered to help in any way possible. It is amazing when people want to help, not help out of requirements. I quickly said thank you, loaded up and hit the road making the 16 hour round trip drive as efficiently as possible.

When I arrived home, I was exhausted and needed some sleep. I would get a few hours, then be ready to relieve my mom, Christy and Michelle for the night as they spent many hours with dad into the late evening. When the phone rang, I instantly awoke, I knew I had to go. It wasn’t a trip for the evening, it was a trip to say goodbye. My father passed peacefully in his sleep surrounded by his family.

Now, a few days later…. After the paperwork, the phone calls, the text messages, the relentless amount of love from my family and friends I sit at my computer trying to recap the Mississippi river trip that ended 168 hours ago….. It is just a blur, just a long lost memory. Time is short, the people you spend that time with even shorter.

I look forward to talking to my father about my next great adventure, already knowing his answer, knowing he would support it!

 

My last words of advice…

I hope you take the time to find your next elephant in life, I hope you eat it one bite at a time.  Tune out the noise of life as it is just a distraction. Cherish the people who love you and like my dad says “Just GO. Do it!”